Like a big rock attached to my back – a heavy weight disabled me from walking upright.
For months I have wondered, worried, prayed, questioned, hoped and fought.
“When will it stop? How do I make it stop?”
Every time I thought I finally got over it – I was wrong.
The thoughts came back. They always found me. There was nowhere to stand and nowhere to hide.
Feelings, they ran through my being like water runs through the wildest river in between mountains.
I got successfully distracted many times. Sometimes even so much, I felt finally free.
For then to realise two days later: I am not.
My heart, it was still heavy.

It was too exhausting to have this fight with myself in myself and there also was no reason to have it.
I was the one putting myself under pressure because I wanted to get rid of these thoughts and feelings. I was the one being impassioned.
My worries kept growing and when also my body responded and I became sick and sicker.
It took me quite a while until I realised this – until I realised what was actually going on.
And then I saw only one chance left: Allowing myself to feel and think and do what felt natural.
So I did. And? I could finally breathe again!

With every breath, I could feel my heart becoming lighter and lighter.
Was this the solution for my situation?
Not fully. But it helped me through this time.
It was as if I was supporting myself simply by my own allowance.
Patience was a part of the solution for my illusion as well.
Once I surrendered, everything became easier. Once I became patient with myself it became even easier.
Then there was one moment in time when I felt this incredibly heavy rock on my back simply drop.
From one second to the next the weight had dropped and I stood there.
I stood there tall and strong with my head held high, slowly realising this unreal feeling

The struggle was over. The heavy time was mastered.
I had let go. And what was left, was me.
Stronger, wiser and with a higher awareness than ever before.
With a smile on my face, I looked up into the sky.
Thankful for this lesson and ready for the next one…

Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.

Believe in yourself. Trust yourself. Love yourself.

And when the next storm appears: try to dance in the rain until the sun returns ♥

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